Lets Talk About Sex

There are several things I miss about college... I miss going to class and learning new things everyday, I miss my friends, my professors and of course, my home away from home - the Lib. However, I don't miss living in a dorm, house parties, or sex-crazed teens... and yet somehow my living situation feels like my freshman year of college.

Halima and her boyfriend are still going for the world record on the most number of times one can have sex in a day. I honestly don't know why she puts up with the piece of shit. The other night he came storming in and began yelling at her about how hungry he was. She calmly told him that she doesn't have any food in the flat, but she is more than happy to go out and get something. He then starts telling her how he's so done with her and continues yelling at her about the food situation. **PLEASE NOTE THAT HE DOES NOT ACTUALLY LIVE IN THE FLAT... THIS IS HER FLAT THAT HE STAYS AT RENT FREE.** She then leaves to go get him food, while he sits on his ass. She comes back, cooks him his food and then politely asks him to clean off his dish. He snapped back saying, "YOU MADE IT, YOU WASH IT" and walks back into her room, sits on his ass and waits for her to finish cleaning up. And the boyfriend of the year award goes to...

I haven't gotten much sleep since living here. They like to have sex between the hours of 7:00pm and 6:30am... you know, prime sleeping time. Their usual schedule is: 7:30pm, 11:00pm, 12:30am, 1:30am, 4:00am, and once more at 6:30am. Well, I'm now sleep deprived, stressed, and annoyed enough that I decided to write them a little letter...

"I would like to start off by giving you both mad props for having such high libidos. I honestly see a world record with your names on it in the near future. I seriously haven't met anyone in my 25 years that can have sex as often as the two of you. Truly, you are an inspiration to us all. That being said, coitus at ungodly hours of the night has got to stop. Waking up at 3:30am to a girl who sounds like she is being tortured is draining. I have put up with it for over a month now, I have even purchased ear plugs in hopes of not having to bring this up to you... but unfortunately the ear plugs are no match for the two of you.

I am not trying to be a bitch here... but I desperately need a good nights sleep. So please realise that there are other people living here and be respectful of the time and volume at which you sex each other up."

When I got home from work that night, I had a note taped to my door saying how sorry she was and that they would keep it down. Progress.